For the director of music. A psalm of David.
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
New International Version
I have wondered of late what God has to do with me. For well over a year now I have been looking for a place to serve him, and for well over a year I have had nothing but bitter disappointments. Then Ron came along and gave me a slap in the face (see an earlier post). I didn’t change over night, but I started wondering.
In the mornings at work, before I start my day, I have begun opening up the Bible and reading wherever it falls. Sometimes its deliberate – reading through a certain book a chapter a day. But lately I have been in the Psalms, reading here and there. And that’s where I found that David felt the same as me. He, too, had dark thoughts that he “wrestled with”. He, too, demands answers from God. And he, too, realizes that even without the answer he so desperately seeks, God’s love is perfect and unsurpassed and, as he says, unfailing. And so the psalmist turns to worship and praise. He again, in the midst of his circumstances, marvels at just how good God has been to him.
And I found at least one place I belong. I suppose King David, the man who was called the one after God’s own heart, isn’t such bad company.
He, too, didn’t have the answers. He, too, faced circumstances in his life that left him desperate and angry with God. He, too, had moments when he questioned everything he believed. And through the fires of it all, he comes out worshipping. While my greatest fear – that I would lose my faith – has been whispering out loud lately, I know that God is greater, his love runs deeper, his compassions cover broader, and I will come through my own fire worshipping the one who loves me more than I can ever possibly know, and who seeks me more passionately that I could ever imagine. I am not alone. I never have been. I never will be. I do, indeed, belong.
Praise Him all creatures, here below.
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host.
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.