Life is a roller coaster. Some days are really good. Some days not so much. Some days really not so much.
I was walking on Samford’s campus the other day and saw someone with two dogs. The owner was throwing Frisbees at one of them. I stopped and watched as the one chasing the Frisbee dove at the other. I marveled as I watched these two animals running to and fro across the quad (the big, grassy area at the center of Samford’s campus). They were running at top speed, and turned first one way, then the other. And I stopped for just a moment and pondered the finesse it would take to make a creature able to do that. And then multiply that a million fold. For just a moment, I paused and praised God.
Later in the week I slowed down. I settled back into routine at work after weeks of the chaos of holidays – with days off and company, department, and personal parties (not that Emily and I went to any personal parties). And I remembered how dissatisfied I am with my job. And as I come home every day looking for something else to do – someplace that will allow me the opportunity to utilize my degree, I check my “job” e-mail inbox and see it empty, or, like today, have another message thanking me for submitting my resume, but stating matter of factly that the position was filled (or, in other cases, that they were pursuing other candidates). And it just gets depressing.
(Then, I think of my dad who sent off more resumes than I could possibly dream and didn’t have a job while he was doing it, and I just feel more pathetic for feeling so pathetic when my situation really isn’t that bad.)
For a while I opened my day with Phyllis Tickle’s Divine Hours. It was a good routine, with a variety of Scriptures and prayers. Of course, I don’t do that now. I’m not that up with things. And that just aggravates me. I’m a seminary grad looking for a ministry position, and I can’t even get into any kind of a spiritual routine. Argh.
And then I sit at the piano at my parents’ house for hours. That’s good stuff. Probably the most content and praising moments of my life are spent sitting in front of 88 white and black keys.
Sometimes I wish I could just have an even keel. Something flat, predictable, steady. But that would be boring and, in its own way, depressing. I guess I’ll stick with the roller coaster.
(Don’t you just love blogs?)
Oh, and happy New Year. I’ll get used to writing 2005 – oops – 2006 eventually. :-p